1
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,005
How much longer?

2
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,577
You just asked me that
10 seconds ago.

3
00:00:07,578 --> 00:00:08,609
Oh.

4
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:10,541
How about now?

5
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:15,246
Jim, it's a pregnancy test,
not a meat loaf.

6
00:00:16,647 --> 00:00:18,549
Great. Now I'm hungry, too.

7
00:00:20,421 --> 00:00:22,322
Cheryl, what if it's positive?

8
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:24,654
Well, I mean, it wouldn't be the worst
thing in the world to have another kid.

9
00:00:24,655 --> 00:00:27,297
No, no, no, no,
it would be great!

10
00:00:27,298 --> 00:00:29,359
Great to... (SCOFFS) Come on!

11
00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:32,202
You know what? I don't
even care if it's a boy or a girl,

12
00:00:32,203 --> 00:00:34,505
as long as it's healthy
and a boy.

13
00:00:36,667 --> 00:00:38,608
(EXHALES)

14
00:00:38,609 --> 00:00:39,709
How much longer?

15
00:00:39,710 --> 00:00:42,041
I don't know.

16
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:44,314
(STAMMERS) And I don't care,
because if it is positive...

17
00:00:44,315 --> 00:00:45,415
It would be great! Yeah!

18
00:00:45,416 --> 00:00:47,377
Absolutely fantastic!
Yeah!

19
00:00:47,378 --> 00:00:49,719
Can you imagine Christmas
with four kids opening presents?

20
00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,123
(BOTH GUFFAWING)

21
00:00:53,124 --> 00:00:55,255
(STAMMERS) You know,
I hope it's twins!

22
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:57,127
Oh!

23
00:00:57,128 --> 00:00:58,228
That would be
twice the blessing.

24
00:00:58,229 --> 00:00:59,330
Yeah.

25
00:01:00,261 --> 00:01:01,362
(BELL DINGING)

26
00:01:10,841 --> 00:01:12,302
(EXHALES) Negative!

27
00:01:12,303 --> 00:01:14,144
Oh, thank god!

28
00:01:14,145 --> 00:01:15,805
(BOTH CHEERING)

29
00:01:15,806 --> 00:01:18,848
Oh, we're not having
a baby! Oh, thank god!

30
00:01:18,849 --> 00:01:20,110
Oh, that was close!

31
00:01:20,111 --> 00:01:21,811
Oh, too close!
Okay, let's do it!

32
00:01:21,812 --> 00:01:24,614
Oh! Whoa!
Don't... Jim! Wait!

33
00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:25,855
What?

34
00:01:25,856 --> 00:01:27,687
Well, we just had
a pregnancy scare.

35
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:29,759
Don't you think we should,
you know, talk about it?

36
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,362
Why! We just dodged a
bullet! You're not pregnant.

37
00:01:32,363 --> 00:01:34,224
No 2:00 a.m. feedings,
no diapers.

38
00:01:34,225 --> 00:01:36,326
Come on, baby.
It's naked time!

39
00:01:36,327 --> 00:01:37,528
Come on.

40
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:39,829
Jim...

41
00:01:39,830 --> 00:01:43,703
If we're this happy about not having
another baby, don't you think we should...

42
00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:46,206
Take precautions to make sure
it doesn't happen again?

43
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,308
Yes, I completely agree.

44
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,240
You do whatever it takes and I'll
pick you up at the doctor's office.

45
00:01:50,241 --> 00:01:51,411
Come on! Come on! Come on!

46
00:01:51,412 --> 00:01:53,283
No, no!

47
00:01:53,284 --> 00:01:56,316
For me, it's major surgery
and a hospital stay.

48
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:58,388
For you, it's quick
and simple. Snip, snip.

49
00:01:58,389 --> 00:01:59,790
(GROANS) Ouch!

50
00:02:01,422 --> 00:02:02,522
Snip, snip?

51
00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,624
Yeah.
No, no. Ow, ow!

52
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,226
No, no!

53
00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:07,897
No way "Snip, snip" with that...

54
00:02:07,898 --> 00:02:10,560
Ooh, the sound of that.

55
00:02:10,561 --> 00:02:13,263
Come on.
It's not happening.

56
00:02:13,264 --> 00:02:15,265
God doesn't like it when you...

57
00:02:15,266 --> 00:02:16,907
Mess around with his handiwork.

58
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:19,709
It's in the bible.

59
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:20,870
Oh, come on.

60
00:02:20,871 --> 00:02:22,472
It is so!

61
00:02:22,473 --> 00:02:25,416
"Thou shalt not
commit vasectomy."

62
00:02:27,478 --> 00:02:29,279
Do you really want
to go through this again?

63
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,383
Oh, come on, Cheryl, do you know
why men wear cups at sporting events?

64
00:02:33,384 --> 00:02:36,556
To protect
what's precious to them.

65
00:02:36,557 --> 00:02:38,688
Why would I pay some guy
to take a knife to it?

66
00:02:38,689 --> 00:02:43,564
Because for you,
it's safer, faster...

67
00:02:44,635 --> 00:02:45,636
And cheaper.

68
00:02:46,837 --> 00:02:48,199
Cheaper.

69
00:02:49,540 --> 00:02:50,701
Damn it!

70
00:02:53,604 --> 00:02:55,375
Honey, we can be
so much more spontaneous.

71
00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:57,347
I mean, there's no more
stopping what we're doing

72
00:02:57,348 --> 00:02:58,848
to fumble around
for birth control.

73
00:02:58,849 --> 00:03:02,682
Well, you're the one fumbling.
I'm just waiting.

74
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,814
Yeah, and there's nothing more
romantic than hearing you say,

75
00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:07,687
"Cheryl, let's go,
tick tock."

76
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:11,392
I say it a little more
romantically than that, thank you.

77
00:03:12,363 --> 00:03:13,523
Jim.
What?

78
00:03:13,524 --> 00:03:17,727
If you do this,
we can do whatever we want

79
00:03:17,728 --> 00:03:18,968
whenever you want.

80
00:03:18,969 --> 00:03:21,331
Oh, come on, I've heard
that song and dance before

81
00:03:21,332 --> 00:03:22,772
when you wanted me
to eat more roughage.

82
00:03:22,773 --> 00:03:24,904
Uh-uh.
I'm not buying it.

83
00:03:24,905 --> 00:03:28,679
Okay, okay. But did I offer
you "Wherever you want"?

84
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:34,845
You're bluffing.

85
00:03:35,516 --> 00:03:36,846
Am I?

86
00:03:36,847 --> 00:03:38,718
You know, at the new movie
theater down at the mall

87
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,391
they have armrests that
fold up so that a person...

88
00:03:41,392 --> 00:03:42,822
Or two...

89
00:03:42,823 --> 00:03:44,755
Can lie down flat.

90
00:03:47,358 --> 00:03:50,000
Wow, sex and a movie.

91
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,765
But I get to pick the movie.

92
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:58,369
Oh, I don't care. We
just had sex. I'll be asleep.

93
00:04:08,919 --> 00:04:10,681
JIM: Oh, baby!

94
00:04:27,638 --> 00:04:29,370
Jim, good morning.

95
00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,801
Hi, Dr. Schulman.

96
00:04:31,802 --> 00:04:34,544
So, you all prepped
and ready to go?

97
00:04:34,545 --> 00:04:36,275
Yeah.

98
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:38,836
Yeah, it was a little weird
trimming the infield there, you know.

99
00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:41,381
But after it was done,

100
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:44,284
it felt quite comfortable
and breezy.

101
00:04:45,916 --> 00:04:47,887
Well, you're not
the first one to say that.

102
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:51,362
You know, once you trim the
shrubbery, the tree looks bigger.

103
00:04:55,826 --> 00:04:57,828
You are the first one
to say that.

104
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,571
So, uh, if you wouldn't mind
just laying back,

105
00:05:01,572 --> 00:05:03,303
put your feet in the stirrups.

106
00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:08,678
Come on, doc, I mean,

107
00:05:08,679 --> 00:05:10,999
aren't you going to at least
buy me a drink first? (LAUGHS)

108
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,786
Okay, I'm going to
talk you through this.

109
00:05:16,787 --> 00:05:20,049
It's really
a very simple procedure.

110
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:21,991
I'll begin by
manipulating the scrotum

111
00:05:21,992 --> 00:05:23,693
so I can locate
the vas deferens.

112
00:05:23,694 --> 00:05:26,496
And, uh, then I will
grip it firmly

113
00:05:26,497 --> 00:05:28,999
and inject this local
anesthetic into your testicles.

114
00:05:31,732 --> 00:05:33,963
Then you're going to feel a little
pinch, and I'll make the incision.

115
00:05:33,964 --> 00:05:35,605
Once I cut and cauterize it,

116
00:05:35,606 --> 00:05:37,066
you'll be completely sterile.

117
00:05:37,067 --> 00:05:40,770
Back off, back off, back off
with the needle!

118
00:05:40,771 --> 00:05:42,972
Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. There's
going to be no cauterizing,

119
00:05:42,973 --> 00:05:45,846
no sterilizing,
no "Izing" whatsoever!

120
00:05:47,047 --> 00:05:48,378
Jim, just relax.

121
00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:49,879
No, no, no,
you don't understand.

122
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,482
What if, god forbid,
something happened to my wife,

123
00:05:52,483 --> 00:05:55,885
or she finally wises up
and leaves me?

124
00:05:55,886 --> 00:05:58,758
I mean, I've got a
responsibility to my second wife,

125
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,060
you know, and her being 25,

126
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,363
she's going to want
to have another kid!

127
00:06:04,795 --> 00:06:06,636
Jim, I met Cheryl
at the consultation.

128
00:06:06,637 --> 00:06:07,897
You're not doing any better.

129
00:06:07,898 --> 00:06:10,139
Trust me, you're done.

130
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:11,771
Now, just lay back on the table.

131
00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:13,903
You know, you're having
a normal reaction.

132
00:06:13,904 --> 00:06:16,045
(STAMMERS) Normal?

133
00:06:16,046 --> 00:06:19,610
Is it normal for you to be slapped
by a shaved man in a paper dress?

134
00:06:20,751 --> 00:06:22,682
Because that's what
is going to happen!

135
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:23,914
Back off!

136
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,889
What kind of a man
does this for a living?

137
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,822
You should be ashamed
of yourself!

138
00:06:33,724 --> 00:06:36,066
Oh, and by the way,
I broke your nutcracker.

139
00:06:41,532 --> 00:06:44,775
Oh, you brave, brave man.

140
00:06:47,077 --> 00:06:48,608
Are you in a lot of pain?

141
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,079
No, not really, Cheryl,
but I need to tell you...

142
00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,913
(SHUSHING) You know what?
You can tell me about it later.

143
00:06:53,784 --> 00:06:55,084
I'm sure that wasn't fun.

144
00:06:55,085 --> 00:06:57,688
(SIGHS) No.

145
00:06:58,819 --> 00:06:59,919
No, It wasn't.

146
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,691
(SIGHS)

147
00:07:01,692 --> 00:07:03,623
You don't even realize
how strong you are.

148
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,555
Oh, no, Cheryl,
I'm not strong at all.

149
00:07:05,556 --> 00:07:06,826
Yes.

150
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,558
Yes, you are.

151
00:07:08,559 --> 00:07:10,700
I am so proud of you.

152
00:07:10,701 --> 00:07:12,101
Do you know,
the nurse was telling me

153
00:07:12,102 --> 00:07:13,863
that some men chicken out
at the last minute

154
00:07:13,864 --> 00:07:15,435
and run out like little girls?

155
00:07:18,108 --> 00:07:20,570
But not you, no.

156
00:07:20,571 --> 00:07:22,713
You were willing
to go through this for me...

157
00:07:23,574 --> 00:07:24,745
For us.

158
00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:27,447
You are my hero.

159
00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,722
Well, Cheryl...

160
00:07:32,653 --> 00:07:34,224
That's what heroes do.

161
00:07:35,926 --> 00:07:37,126
Well, let's get you home,

162
00:07:37,127 --> 00:07:39,158
because I am going to take
such good care of you.

163
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,891
(LAUGHING) Okay.

164
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:46,466
Cheryl, listen.

165
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,739
I'm feeling a little weak.
Can you pull the car up?

166
00:07:49,740 --> 00:07:52,171
Of course.
You sit right there.

167
00:07:52,172 --> 00:07:54,043
Oh, oh, baby, okay.
Just sit right there.

168
00:07:54,044 --> 00:07:55,175
(GROANS)

169
00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,894
Daddy, we made you
a get-well hat.

170
00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,495
Put it on.

171
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,899
Oh, girls,
it's so lovely, but...

172
00:08:21,071 --> 00:08:23,232
It's much too beautiful to wear.

173
00:08:23,233 --> 00:08:24,705
Put it on!

174
00:08:30,841 --> 00:08:32,542
Do you feel better now, daddy?

175
00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:33,844
I know I do.

176
00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,217
Okay, you girls ready?

177
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,689
Where are you taking them?

178
00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:41,090
Cheryl asked me to take
the kids out of the house

179
00:08:41,091 --> 00:08:43,293
so you could heal up from
that favor you did the world.

180
00:08:46,126 --> 00:08:47,857
Where are we going, Aunt Dana?

181
00:08:47,858 --> 00:08:50,099
We are going to return the dress
that Aunt Dana wore last night,

182
00:08:50,100 --> 00:08:52,732
and if they give me a problem,
you get to throw a tantrum.

183
00:08:52,733 --> 00:08:54,063
Can we swear like last time?

184
00:08:54,064 --> 00:08:56,136
Only if you want ice cream.

185
00:08:57,307 --> 00:08:58,708
Dana!

186
00:08:58,709 --> 00:09:00,710
Hey, sweetie,
how are you feeling?

187
00:09:00,711 --> 00:09:02,743
Well, that foot fungus is back.

188
00:09:05,676 --> 00:09:07,146
I was talking to Jim.

189
00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:09,279
And get those mushroom
farms off my couch.

190
00:09:10,621 --> 00:09:13,222
Hey, honey,
I brought you some nachos.

191
00:09:13,223 --> 00:09:15,685
Mmm! Something's missing.

192
00:09:15,686 --> 00:09:17,657
(GASPS SARCASTICALLY)
A kiss.

193
00:09:17,658 --> 00:09:19,088
(BOTH MOANING)
(LAUGHING)

194
00:09:19,089 --> 00:09:21,931
Yes, that was it.
And sour cream.

195
00:09:21,932 --> 00:09:22,963
Oh.

196
00:09:24,294 --> 00:09:26,035
Boy, if I ever get a vasectomy,

197
00:09:26,036 --> 00:09:27,897
I hope my wife
treats me this well.

198
00:09:27,898 --> 00:09:29,198
Look, if you ever get a wife,

199
00:09:29,199 --> 00:09:30,871
don't worry about
how she treats you.

200
00:09:31,942 --> 00:09:33,803
I've got to hand it to you, Jim.

201
00:09:33,804 --> 00:09:35,805
You got guts, man.

202
00:09:35,806 --> 00:09:39,009
I'd never let anyone near Fred
and Ginger with a sharp object.

203
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:43,784
You named one of your guys
after a girl?

204
00:09:44,855 --> 00:09:46,687
Yeah, the pretty one.

205
00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:52,361
You realize what a
sacrifice you made?

206
00:09:52,362 --> 00:09:55,164
All right, all right.
Just stop it, okay?

207
00:09:55,165 --> 00:09:56,996
Listen...

208
00:09:56,997 --> 00:09:59,128
If I tell you something,
can you be cool about it?

209
00:09:59,129 --> 00:10:01,031
Baby, I was born cool.

210
00:10:03,133 --> 00:10:04,674
I didn't get a vasectomy.

211
00:10:04,675 --> 00:10:05,875
Oh, my god!

212
00:10:05,876 --> 00:10:07,737
(SHUSHING)

213
00:10:07,738 --> 00:10:08,979
Will you stop it!

214
00:10:10,380 --> 00:10:12,012
I got a secret.

215
00:10:14,785 --> 00:10:16,085
I feel so alive!

216
00:10:16,086 --> 00:10:18,187
Oh!

217
00:10:18,188 --> 00:10:21,190
Will you stop it? Wait,
whoa, no, no, wait.

218
00:10:21,191 --> 00:10:24,224
You went to the doctor.
You're icing your crotch.

219
00:10:25,826 --> 00:10:27,356
No, this is just potato chips

220
00:10:27,357 --> 00:10:29,259
with rocks to weigh it down.

221
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,131
You want one?

222
00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,304
I'm not eating chips
out of your...

223
00:10:35,305 --> 00:10:36,967
Ooh, Cool Ranch!

224
00:10:38,769 --> 00:10:40,270
So what happened?

225
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,072
I don't know.

226
00:10:43,073 --> 00:10:44,874
I've got to tell you...

227
00:10:44,875 --> 00:10:49,018
When that doctor came at me and
told me that I was going to be sterile,

228
00:10:49,019 --> 00:10:50,920
I just freaked out.

229
00:10:50,921 --> 00:10:53,222
I started thinking, when
we're walking down the street,

230
00:10:53,223 --> 00:10:56,226
people are going to say, "Hey,
there goes Cheryl and sterile!"

231
00:10:59,389 --> 00:11:01,991
Hey, honey, I made your
follow-up appointment.

232
00:11:01,992 --> 00:11:03,963
What? Why?

233
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,765
You know, at the lab?

234
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,096
They have to make sure
the operation worked

235
00:11:07,097 --> 00:11:10,039
and your little swimmers
aren't swimming.

236
00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,772
It was in that brochure they
gave us at the consultation.

237
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,844
Oh, great, you're reading
the brochures now.

238
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,275
Yeah.

239
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:18,007
And when you're all healed up,

240
00:11:18,008 --> 00:11:19,449
I'll make it worth your while.

241
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,086
What is the matter with you?

242
00:11:26,717 --> 00:11:27,888
Nothing.

243
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,121
Just feeling alive.

244
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,766
Andy!

245
00:11:36,166 --> 00:11:37,696
Wow.

246
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,968
I can't believe I didn't
see this coming,

247
00:11:38,969 --> 00:11:41,431
but it looks like one of
your lies backfired on you.

248
00:11:42,933 --> 00:11:44,834
I know, I know.

249
00:11:44,835 --> 00:11:47,306
When we go to the lab and
the test comes back normal,

250
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:49,208
Cheryl's going to find out.

251
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:53,283
It's like I got three billion little stool
pigeons swimming around inside me.

252
00:11:54,915 --> 00:11:57,016
Hold on. I got it.

253
00:11:57,017 --> 00:11:59,920
Colonel Andy in the living
room with the answer.

254
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:05,855
I was watching a movie
on lifetime the other day.

255
00:12:05,856 --> 00:12:08,858
What? You watch lifetime? Why?

256
00:12:08,859 --> 00:12:11,461
'Cause I have no life
and plenty of time.

257
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:18,208
The same thing happened to
Perry King and Joan Van Ark.

258
00:12:19,009 --> 00:12:20,209
What?

259
00:12:20,210 --> 00:12:22,171
Perry goes in for a vasectomy,

260
00:12:22,172 --> 00:12:24,314
four months later,
Joan's knocked up.

261
00:12:25,816 --> 00:12:26,946
Wow, what happened?

262
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:28,477
Well, according to lifetime...

263
00:12:28,478 --> 00:12:30,420
And they are
the women's channel...

264
00:12:31,922 --> 00:12:33,883
With some guys,
it just doesn't take,

265
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:36,485
and their business
grows back together.

266
00:12:36,486 --> 00:12:38,889
Jim, you could be
one of those guys.

267
00:12:40,230 --> 00:12:42,161
Andy...

268
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:45,134
I just became one of those guys!

269
00:12:45,135 --> 00:12:46,996
So you keep your
appointment at the lab,

270
00:12:46,997 --> 00:12:48,898
and when the results
come back normal...

271
00:12:48,899 --> 00:12:51,801
I just tell Cheryl
that it's a sign

272
00:12:51,802 --> 00:12:55,045
that God didn't want me
to withhold my seed.

273
00:12:58,949 --> 00:13:00,109
You think that's going to work?

274
00:13:00,110 --> 00:13:01,981
Oh, yeah, I can pretty
much sell her anything

275
00:13:01,982 --> 00:13:03,253
if God's attached.

276
00:13:07,117 --> 00:13:08,787
What is taking so long?

277
00:13:08,788 --> 00:13:11,560
Cheryl, it's a sperm count,
not a meat loaf.

278
00:13:11,561 --> 00:13:14,423
(LAUGHS SARCASTICALLY)

279
00:13:14,424 --> 00:13:16,966
(LAUGHS) This is funny.
What?

280
00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:19,428
Well, it says here that...

281
00:13:19,429 --> 00:13:22,201
You know, this operation
isn't 100% effective.

282
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,302
Hmm.

283
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:25,174
But it'll be fine.

284
00:13:25,175 --> 00:13:26,506
God willing.

285
00:13:27,838 --> 00:13:29,538
Okay, sorry to keep you,

286
00:13:29,539 --> 00:13:31,080
but I have your results
right here.

287
00:13:31,081 --> 00:13:33,382
And? Well,
everything looks good.

288
00:13:33,383 --> 00:13:35,916
Your sperm count
is very low. Well!

289
00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:37,918
CHERYL: Great!

290
00:13:39,019 --> 00:13:40,449
What?

291
00:13:40,450 --> 00:13:42,993
You now have a nice
low sperm count.

292
00:13:44,094 --> 00:13:45,955
I heard you the first time.

293
00:13:45,956 --> 00:13:48,297
What is wrong with you?
This was supposed to happen.

294
00:13:48,298 --> 00:13:50,360
No, no, I demand a recount!

295
00:13:53,133 --> 00:13:55,364
Give me a cup and the keys
to the fun room. Come on.

296
00:13:55,365 --> 00:13:56,906
Jim!

297
00:13:56,907 --> 00:13:59,038
Sir, sir, these results
are highly accurate

298
00:13:59,039 --> 00:14:01,010
and consistent
with your vasectomy.

299
00:14:01,011 --> 00:14:02,942
See? Low sperm count...

300
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:04,613
Stop saying that!

301
00:14:04,614 --> 00:14:06,115
Jim!
What?

302
00:14:06,116 --> 00:14:08,077
Why are you acting like this?
This is what we wanted.

303
00:14:08,078 --> 00:14:10,449
No, I can't have
a low sperm count!

304
00:14:10,450 --> 00:14:12,121
You get a vasectomy,
you get a low sperm count.

305
00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:13,883
No, but it's impossible!

306
00:14:13,884 --> 00:14:17,187
The only way it's impossible
is if you didn't get a vasectomy.

307
00:14:21,261 --> 00:14:22,562
Oh, my god.

308
00:14:23,263 --> 00:14:25,194
You didn't get it.

309
00:14:25,195 --> 00:14:27,466
You've been lying to me
this whole time?

310
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,637
Well, I was...
(GROANS)

311
00:14:28,638 --> 00:14:31,200
Cheryl, Cheryl...
No, no, Jim.

312
00:14:31,201 --> 00:14:32,441
When were you going
to tell me the truth,

313
00:14:32,442 --> 00:14:34,404
after the birth
of our fourth child?

314
00:14:36,947 --> 00:14:39,009
I don't think
there'll be a fourth child.

315
00:14:41,211 --> 00:14:42,381
You've got a low sperm count...

316
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,354
Okay, now I'm going
to kick your ass!

317
00:14:56,226 --> 00:14:57,526
Hi.
Hey.

318
00:14:57,527 --> 00:15:00,129
I am so sorry to make you
leave work to be down here.

319
00:15:00,130 --> 00:15:03,202
Oh, please, Jim lied to you
about getting a vasectomy.

320
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:06,205
This is going to be the
mother of all trash sessions.

321
00:15:06,206 --> 00:15:08,908
I am so angry I don't even
know what to do about it.

322
00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:11,611
Mmm.
Thank you.

323
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:15,214
Oh, you're cake angry.

324
00:15:15,215 --> 00:15:18,347
You didn't sound
cake angry on the phone.

325
00:15:18,348 --> 00:15:21,250
Why do we even bother making
these great big life decisions together

326
00:15:21,251 --> 00:15:23,323
if he's just going
to ignore everything?

327
00:15:23,994 --> 00:15:25,925
Hey, sweetie!

328
00:15:28,098 --> 00:15:30,559
You should see
how he's milking this.

329
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:32,301
It's like he's constantly
complaining about being in pain

330
00:15:32,302 --> 00:15:35,104
from an operation
he never even had.

331
00:15:35,105 --> 00:15:38,367
And who has the cutest
little apple cheeks?

332
00:15:38,368 --> 00:15:41,010
Yes, you do.
Yes, you do. Dana!

333
00:15:41,011 --> 00:15:43,212
Sorry.

334
00:15:43,213 --> 00:15:46,515
I mean, he and I agreed we don't
want another pregnancy scare.

335
00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:49,248
We agreed! It's like
he just can't be trusted!

336
00:15:49,249 --> 00:15:52,522
Oh! Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo!

337
00:15:54,384 --> 00:15:55,654
You know what I think?

338
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,227
That you might want
to have another baby?

339
00:15:58,228 --> 00:15:59,628
Where did that come from?

340
00:15:59,629 --> 00:16:01,460
Cheryl, look at you.

341
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,532
You're going crazy for a
kid you don't even know.

342
00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:04,663
What are you talking about?

343
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:06,735
Oh, please, you...
(BABY SQUEALS)

344
00:16:06,736 --> 00:16:08,738
You're ovaries are ringing
like church bells.

345
00:16:11,301 --> 00:16:12,671
That is not...
That is not true.

346
00:16:12,672 --> 00:16:15,004
(STAMMERS) I know
you think you know me,

347
00:16:15,005 --> 00:16:17,646
but I don't want another baby.

348
00:16:17,647 --> 00:16:21,381
I don't want another Little
miracle to hold. (CRYING)

349
00:16:22,552 --> 00:16:25,455
I do, I do! I want a baby!

350
00:16:26,156 --> 00:16:27,256
I do!

351
00:16:27,257 --> 00:16:28,387
Cheryl, don't cry.

352
00:16:28,388 --> 00:16:30,189
If you're going to cry
for anyone, cry for me.

353
00:16:30,190 --> 00:16:32,421
I'm the one who might have to
baby-sit a fourth kid for free someday.

354
00:16:32,422 --> 00:16:33,423
(LAUGHS)

355
00:16:34,224 --> 00:16:37,526
Oh, thank you, thank you.

356
00:16:37,527 --> 00:16:38,627
I'm going to go talk to Jim.

357
00:16:38,628 --> 00:16:40,599
Okay.

358
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:43,673
Thank god I'm married to the
least reliable man in the world.

359
00:16:46,576 --> 00:16:48,437
(SQUEALS)

360
00:16:48,438 --> 00:16:52,782
I could have a little cutie like
you, but instead I have a career.

361
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,715
It's fulfilling.
It really is.

362
00:16:59,018 --> 00:17:01,291
Hey! You're not
better than me!

363
00:17:05,055 --> 00:17:07,057
(PLAYING BLUES ON HARMONICA)

364
00:17:12,762 --> 00:17:14,033
Hey.

365
00:17:14,404 --> 00:17:15,405
Hey.

366
00:17:18,308 --> 00:17:20,069
Where are the kids?

367
00:17:20,070 --> 00:17:22,541
Oh, they're okay.
Don't worry about them.

368
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:26,475
They're fed and homework's
done, and they had their baths.

369
00:17:26,476 --> 00:17:28,577
Wow. You did all that?

370
00:17:28,578 --> 00:17:30,150
No, Andy did.

371
00:17:31,621 --> 00:17:33,223
They're all over at his place.

372
00:17:35,325 --> 00:17:36,655
We need to talk.

373
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,827
(STAMMERS) Yeah, let me
get this out first, okay?

374
00:17:38,828 --> 00:17:41,090
I want to tell you why I
didn't get the vasectomy.

375
00:17:41,091 --> 00:17:42,331
No, no, it's not important.

376
00:17:42,332 --> 00:17:44,463
No, no, no, no,
it is really important.

377
00:17:44,464 --> 00:17:46,195
It really is, and I want
to tell you, I mean.

378
00:17:46,196 --> 00:17:48,397
I was going to tell you when
I got out of the doctor's office,

379
00:17:48,398 --> 00:17:51,440
but you were just
so damn proud of me, and...

380
00:17:51,441 --> 00:17:55,244
I mean, it was like you put me up
on a pedestal, and you know me,

381
00:17:55,245 --> 00:17:57,347
I like being up on a pedestal.

382
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,452
(STAMMERING)
Cheryl, I just...

383
00:18:03,453 --> 00:18:05,184
I don't know.

384
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,516
When that...
I panicked.

385
00:18:07,517 --> 00:18:09,388
When that doctor came toward me,

386
00:18:09,389 --> 00:18:11,390
I just started thinking that,

387
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,492
you know, my knees are bad,

388
00:18:13,493 --> 00:18:16,195
I'm losing my hair,
I got this gut.

389
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,766
I mean, sure,
my ass turns heads,

390
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:19,529
but how long
is that going to last?

391
00:18:22,532 --> 00:18:23,702
I don't know.

392
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,306
I know this
may sound stupid to you,

393
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:28,577
but...

394
00:18:28,578 --> 00:18:30,410
It's all I got left!

395
00:18:32,282 --> 00:18:35,284
You know,
it's what makes me a man,

396
00:18:35,285 --> 00:18:38,887
and I am just not willing
to give that up.

397
00:18:38,888 --> 00:18:41,291
Honey, I don't want
you to give it up.

398
00:18:42,622 --> 00:18:43,693
What?

399
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,525
(SIGHS)

400
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,628
(STAMMERING)

401
00:18:49,799 --> 00:18:52,362
I think I might
want another baby.

402
00:18:54,664 --> 00:18:55,705
You're serious!

403
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,568
Yeah.
I mean, not right now,

404
00:18:59,569 --> 00:19:03,442
but I just don't think I
want to close that door yet.

405
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,714
(CHUCKLING) Didn't
you hear that lab guy?

406
00:19:05,715 --> 00:19:09,248
That door has been closed,
locked, and sealed.

407
00:19:09,249 --> 00:19:11,450
Honey, if this is
something we want to do,

408
00:19:11,451 --> 00:19:13,723
there are ways
to raise your sperm count.

409
00:19:15,455 --> 00:19:17,727
Is this something
you want to do?

410
00:19:18,888 --> 00:19:20,830
Well, Cheryl, I mean...

411
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:23,863
Wow, another kid?

412
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:26,596
That would...
Make it...

413
00:19:27,797 --> 00:19:28,798
Four.

414
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:32,742
And we already have...

415
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:34,604
Three.

416
00:19:36,346 --> 00:19:38,308
Yeah, I know, Jim.
I was there.

417
00:19:43,883 --> 00:19:45,555
Well, I do like you.

418
00:19:48,318 --> 00:19:49,388
You're really cute.

419
00:19:49,389 --> 00:19:50,720
(CHUCKLES)

420
00:19:51,621 --> 00:19:53,223
We get along.

421
00:19:54,564 --> 00:19:56,495
You do make beautiful babies.

422
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,467
Well, you help.

423
00:19:58,468 --> 00:20:00,668
Oh, come on, Cheryl, look
at me. You're the beauty part.

424
00:20:01,371 --> 00:20:02,972
I'm the batter, you're the oven.

425
00:20:06,436 --> 00:20:07,807
What do you say?

426
00:20:08,808 --> 00:20:10,379
I don't know.

427
00:20:10,380 --> 00:20:12,881
It's just that it's
the first time in seven years

428
00:20:12,882 --> 00:20:15,485
we haven't had a baby
in this house.

429
00:20:18,918 --> 00:20:20,219
Let's do it.

430
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:22,791
Really?

431
00:20:22,792 --> 00:20:24,553
Yeah, why not?

432
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:27,396
I mean, you do
most of the work anyway.

433
00:20:27,397 --> 00:20:29,658
I mean, all I gotta do
is just learn another name.

434
00:20:29,659 --> 00:20:31,461
Oh, honey!

435
00:20:33,563 --> 00:20:34,963
We're going to make a baby.

436
00:20:34,964 --> 00:20:36,665
Well, we're going to try.
It might not happen,

437
00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:38,438
but I sure do like
the trying part.

438
00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:43,472
Hey, you want to try some of
that spontaneous lovin' right now?

439
00:20:43,473 --> 00:20:45,644
Yes! Let's go
to the movies!

440
00:20:45,645 --> 00:20:47,976
Ok, no, no, no.

441
00:20:47,977 --> 00:20:49,818
What? Let's just
go to the bedroom.

442
00:20:49,819 --> 00:20:52,721
What's so spontaneous
about the bedroom?

443
00:20:52,722 --> 00:20:54,453
We're not going to
make it to the bed.

444
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,385
Oh...

445
00:20:56,386 --> 00:20:57,956
(LAUGHS)
Hot, hot.

446
00:20:57,957 --> 00:20:59,257
I'm gonna get the camera.

447
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,590
No, no, no, no, no.

448
00:21:01,691 --> 00:21:02,931
Too spontaneous.

449
00:21:02,932 --> 00:21:05,464
Yeah, yeah, fair enough.

450
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:06,696
Mmm...